I grew up on the prairies with my Pakistani parents. In the 80’s. I was tall, muscular, dark skinned, big smiled, hairy with wild eyes and wilder hair. The only other Pakistani girls I knew were in Edmonton. My dad’s best friend’s daughters, who we saw extremely infrequently. So I came by my feelings of separateness quite honestly. Even if I wanted to go unnoticed, I was like a giant birthday candle in the middle of a cake, cheerfully melting myself all over the place naively fading into nothing.
There are similarities to everyone’s gravitational pull to the earth and one another. Our lives are connected inextricably on mental, physical, emotional, and psychic planes. We all know this. Deepak has dumbed it down.
I drank for the first time when I was just eleven years old. I was at the farm of a friend who I was often with. The farm was my second home, since my place was always filled with my brother’s friends with the television on. I actually didn’t get offered to watch what I would like to see on t.v. until I lived with my best friend in college. She also taught me to say goodnight. Every night she would wish me goodnight. I loved that, and wondered how I missed that slight acknowledgment of another person for my whole life until then.
We weren’t sneaking booze to determine the taste. It was for effect.
When you force a ball into the hands of a child whose proclivity is to paint, you are innocently trying to force ideals. Make the individual, sensitive one know what it means to suck, play on a team, lose, and play together. But if you do it for their whole childhood, you can end up with a kid who thinks they suck at life. They lose confidence. Many Picassos spent their youth striking out at home plate and somewhere making a fallacious conclusion that this was somehow failing.
Homogenous environments with one type of person can be extremely creatively stifling. Being different was so painful but at some point, it helped take away my embarrassment. Somehow I started just dressing the way I wanted, which was rather ostentatious in a classroom full of plaid shirted, blue jean wearing farm kids. And they somehow just embraced me. When we all look back at childhood, there is a level of awkwardness and discomfort with ourselves that is almost a rite of passage.
There was all a lot of fun as well. So many things about my upbringing were remarkably sound and comforting. I spent a lot of time in nature. We were always up to something, and all the moms and dads in the village knew us by name. They would love us, reprimand us, and feed us, and send us home like we were all related. Our teachers were all especially encouraging. By the time I was in Junior High School, I developed a deep and enduring friendship with Jennifer. She lived just a kilometer out of town, and a dirt road separated my house from her farm. It was there I learned how to clean and cook and take care of others. Her mom was like a mom to me. She dragged me everywhere with her kids – camping, figure skating camp. Those were some of the best memories I hold from childhood. When things got hard, Margaret was there for me, always.
PROMPT: Stop reading, take a breath and recall someone from childhood who loved you. If you have a Higher Power, allow them into this vision of the person and send them love. If not, just think positively about this person while you breathe and picture them in your mind for 10 full seconds.
NOW: How do you feel?
This Friday Surrender Living Women’s Circle, 7pm on zoom, it’s a love offering and donations are gratefully accepted.
contact Sabrina 4035963464 or firstname.lastname@example.org to register.
Tuesday is SHE WAS gratitude poetry workshop, 7pm, $35 includes the book, shipping, and 1.5 hr of time with me. You will leave with a full heart and a poem for a woman you love.
Please join us at facebook.com/surrenderliving